The Husband is maddened by my inability to not take it upon myself to teach the world to behave. He portends that it might well be be the death of me, literally. He sees a rude driver, being lectured to by your host, shooting me in the moment.
Recently, we went, in the early evening, to a new favorite NoPo eatery with a guest. We opted to sit outside on this sunny, particularly gorgeous gloaming.
The other 5 tables quickly filled with diners, bringing with them, a collection of children under 6 years old. Without any organization on the parents’ part, the young people were allowed, encouraged really, to run around the small outdoor dining room, caterwauling & scampering within inches of me & my whiskey.
After about 10 interminable minutes of the children’s cacophony, I was sent me over the edge & to The Husband & guest’s horror, I stood up & announced: “May I have the adults’ attention? You are all missing the perfect opportunity to teach young people how to behave in a restaurant. If I had wished to have dinner surrounded by undisciplined, unruly tots, I would have chosen to be at Chucky Cheese. I don’t blame the youngsters, but I do, most certainly, blame you parents for not teaching them manners. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!”
One father, one of those wane, ineffectual Portland sort of daddies, exclaimed that I was very rude. The waitress applauded. We were re-sat at the bar.
Yesterday, on a dog walk, a woman flew out of her front door at full gallop, just to lecture me, unprovoked, about people not picking up their pooch’s poops. I had been meditating on the beauty of spring & the quality of the morning light when I was startled by her speech just a few inches from my face. I could feel the spit as she shouted. I showed her my bag of dog doo, indicating that I do indeed pick up after the terriers, as a good citizen always should. I shrugged my shoulders with a big question mark on my face. She would have none of it, going on & on about how annoyed she was from people not picking up canine crap on her weed infested parking strip.
My retort: “I feel sorry for you. It must be quite a burden being so very unpleasant & considerably unattractive. It is a deadly combination being beastly looking & obnoxious. You might want to consider dropping one of those characteristics…” She harrumphed as the terriers & I walked away.